Julia Vanlergerghe
Arthur Tanny
Oakley Julian
Katie Sanders
Jolene Burge

Heather Glover
Kasey Ray

Alicia Ferrell
Pamela Yoko Melton
Kelley Sanders

Shelley Rhodes
Tanja Supon
Chris Shirley
Kirsten Gilliam Mullis

Dee Dee Coursey
Christi Healan
DrFaustus666@aol.com (no name provided)
Ariana Siennick
Chris McCormick
______________________________________________________________

     TO:   Bill Entryway – Macrohard Prez

2. Yo, what’s up Head Honcho? 

3. Sir, someone left the barn door open and there’s a shark in the tank!  And they’ve let the cow out of the bag!   

4. By accidental coincidence, I’ve discovered Orange Corporation’s intent, like a thief in the night, to cappy-cot a few, well numerous, actually TONS of our products! This could be spectacularly awful, awful, awful!   

5. They’re changing the name of their O/S to – what is it called now…it’s like a man’s name? - “Doors.”   Their new slogan is “Doors…Enter a New World.”  I know what you’re going to say, so I’ll say it for you… 

6. Those orange-bellied, dirty, cheatin’, sons-a- b*%#@ing, spy-mongers – found they have been and pay they will!  We must not let them tiptoe on us!  We must not turn a blind mouse to this!  We must not remain lying down!  Don’t they know cheaters never win and winners never cheat?  {Harrumph}  We must take back what was never ours!  Because stealing leads to profits, and profits to wealth, and wealth to power…and power we must not acquiesce! 

7. And I won’t remind you of their recent success with the outrageously hip, portable music thingy that even the biggest rock stars EVER are lining up for!  It’s so - ! 

8. Sir, let me also say I value your kindness and gregariousness, have long admired your tall stature and slender build, take tremendous enjoyment from your wonderful and witty sense of humor.    

9. Sincerely, Humbly, Respectfully,
   
10. D. Coursey,  Security Peon

RHETORICAL DEVICES:

Entire letter is an example of COMMORATIO  

Line 1:

PARANOMASIA -  “Macrohard” and “Bill Entryway” instead of “Microsoft” and “Gates”

MEIOSIS or TAPINOSIS – “Prez” instead of President 

Line 2:  

PHATIC COMMUNION, “Yo, what’s up?”

ANTONOMASIA, “Head Honcho” for Sir, Mr. Entryway or even Mr. President,  

Lines 3:

CATACHRESIS, “left the barn door open and there’s a shark in the tank!”’

MIXED METAPHORS, entire line 

Section 4:

PLEONASM, “accidental coincidence”

SIMILE, “like a thief in the night”

SYLLEPSIS (?), “I’ve discovered Orange Corporation’s intent, like a thief in the night, to cappy-cot…”

SPOONERISM, “cappy-cot”

AUXESIS, “a few, well numerous, actually TONS”

HYPERBOLE, “TONS”

ANTIPHRASIS or OXYMORON, “spectacularly awful”

EPIZEUXIS, ‘awful, awful, awful” 

Section 5:

PARENTHESIS, APOSTROPHE, and APORIA, “They’re changing the name of their O/S to – what is it called now…it’s like a man’s name…? – Doors.

IRONY, “Doors” as opposed to “Windows”; also, another word for Gates, or Entryway.  

Section 6:

BDELYGMIA and SYNATHROESMUS, “orange-bellied, dirty, cheatin’, sons-a- b*%#@ing, spy-mongers…”

HYPERBATON, “found they have been and pay they will!”

ONOMATOPOEIA, “Harrumph”

ANAPHORA and DIACOPE, “We must not…”

EXERGASIA, “We must not let them tiptoe on us!  We must not turn a blind mouse to this!  We must not remain lying down!”

PARANOMASIA, “turn a blind mouse to this…”  (As in computers…or blind mice…ha!)

CHIASMUS, POLYPTOTON, and RHETORIC QUESTION, “Don’t they know cheaters never win and winners never cheat?”

GRADATIO, “Because stealing leads to profits, and profits to wealth, and wealth to power…and power we must not acquiesce!”

IRONY, “We must take back what was never ours!” (Some say Windows was built on what Apple/MacIntosh originally developed…or would “stolen from” be more accurate?) 

Section 7:

APOPHASIS, “And I won’t remind you of their recent success with the outrageously hip, portable music thingy…”

HYPERBOLE, “even the biggest rock stars EVER are lining up for!”

APOSIOPESIS, “It’s so - !” 

Section 8:

HYPOTAXIS and ASYNDETON, the entire sentence

ISOCOLON(?), TRICOLON and EFFECTIO, “I value your generosity and gregariousness, have long admired your tall stature and slender build, take tremendous enjoyment from your wonderful and witty sense of humor.”

HOMOIOITELEUTON and ALLITERATION, “kindness and gregariousness” and “tall stature and slender build, take tremendous…wonderful and witty…” 

Section 9:

HOMOIOITELEUTON, “Sincerely, Humbly, Respectfully,” 

Line(s) 10:

MEIOSIS or TAPINOSIS, “Security Peon”
________________________________________

Christi Healan 

I don’t have time to worry, and I worry about not having time. [Chiasmus]

If I could train my brain to think faster and smarter I would be much better off. [Assonance, Diacope, Homoioiteleuton]

I worry much too much. [Diacope]  I worry about completing this assignment in time.  I worry that my effort concerning this assignment is lacking and that the finished product will really suck.   I worry that the other students will see my efforts and scoff at my lack of creative ingenuity.  Maybe Dr. N will ridicule my efforts on the website - perhaps I will be banned from posting.  [Accumulation, Diacope, Anaphora, Parenthesis, Epimone, Commoratio, Alliteration]

I’m wondering if I should advertise for an assistant to be my ‘other’. [Antiheimera, Alliteration]

But how would such an advertisement flow? Maybe somewhat to this effect:  [Hypophora. Rhetorical Situation, Kairos] 

Busy, overworked student/homemaker/cook/shopper/ low-income earner/ neurotic desperately needs someone to be responsible for everything she doesn’t have time or desire to do or worry about.  [Synathrosesmus, Polysyndeton]  This workhorse with no life of their own [antonomasia] will write all the writing of papers, read all the reading assignments, pay all the accounts payable, launder all the laundry, attend classes and notate all notes, [Polypototon, Paranomasia], do the shopping, and anything else I may need to have done while I am in voluntary exile [oxymoron], except for sex…I will take responsibility for that. [Ellipses, Attic, Asyndeton, Aposiopesis] They will be responsible for my life, for everything I don’t have time or desire to do or worry about [Epiphora and Hyperbole throughout]   

But what is the use…I’d be too worried no one would respond.  [Ellipses, neurotic Persona, Anticlimax]
________________________________________

DrFaustus666@aol.com (no name provided)

An Encomium for Avery

Rhetorical Situation:  Avery Avarice has just received a promotion.  This is a congratulatory speech from a coworker.  

Was Avery the author of awesome articles (assonance/ hypophora)?  Sure, the Suits (metonymy) confirmed it!  The suits reward the reward (ploce) today, of the corner office, a hot secretary, a leather couch, a corporate account, VIP press passes (asyndeton/ isocolon) and on and on and on (diacope). Alas, now Avery has to bear a tie and toupee and politics and television (polysyndeton/ syllepsis/ tetracolon/ zeugma). Avery began with a pen, the pen became a typewriter, the typewriter a computer and now his computer becomes an intern (anadiplosis).  Master Muckraker of mudslinging mucrakery (pleonasm/ alliteration/ hyperbole), Avery, the slimiest, depraved, wanton, immoral collector of sludge (bdelygmia/ apposition/ synathroesmus) on everyone from Wacko Jacko (antonomasia) to the Pope, climbs the ladder of success (cliché/ metaphor).  The corner office is now Avery’s, due to our recent loss in staff — Avery is a fine journalist (aposiopesis). Some journalists have claimed that Avery is a gossipmonger (tapinosis); journalists who feed their families with hands that slander (synecdoche) Lady Di (antirrhesis).   He is not (apophasis).  In the immoral words (malpropism) of the Jefferson’s Avery is “movin’ on up to the eastside…. to the free bucks department ‘cause he tried.”(Mondegreen)  Vroom, (onomatopoeia) up, up and away (auxesis)…. Avery wrote the story, and he refused to let the story write him (chiasmus).  Avery is the wiz of the biz (homoioiteleuton). Salut, the little guy (epithet) got the corner office.   Salut, Avery is one less guy to step on for the corner office.    Salut, I know you all are covetously contented (oxymoron) with your cubicles and his corner office (anaphora/ epiphora/ parison/ commoratio).  I know, less pleased be not I (epanilepsis/ hyperbaton).
________________________________________

Ariana Siennick
Rhetorical Competition #3
“2 Weeks Notice”
To the Honorable Head Honcho -- Mr. Hill, It has come to my attention, after many a year slaving in that cramped, tiny, little, minuscule, and quite frankly, small “designated working space,” that I no longer feel the desire to come into work every morning at exactly seven o'clock dressed in “appropriate attire,” namely that of an off-white, long sleeve, button down blouse complete with gray jacket, gray skirt, and black boring shoes. In fact, I no longer feel the need to return to work at all. I don't want to bore you with the petty details of meager wages and slave labor. Not to mention cold coffee. Nor is the the purpose of this resignation to complain of long night shifts into the wee hours of morning with no overtime pay because some corporate laquee, no names mentioned Mr. Hill, decided as he left the office for cocktails last night with his “lady-friend” of three years that he wanted this morning's report reformatted and typed in Lucinda font, not Times New Roman. No, such details are pearls among swine. You see, we are but what we do in this life and, though I've never been a religious person, I've been enlightened by the Great Almighty Himself, “Knock and it shall be opened, Seek and ye shall find it.” It just so happens that the door I knocked on was the competition's and the salvation I sought offered me double my salary, an office with a view, and casual Fridays. Sincerely, Lucy Smith PS. Enjoy your unformatted report in Times New Roman. Opening: Sarcasm, Antomomasia Paragraphs: 1. Complex Sentence, Commoratio, Parenthesis, Diacope, Tetracolon Climax, Meiosis 2. Apophasis, Anticlimax, Complex Sentence, Euphemism, Cliché 3. Maxim, Epicrisis, Tricolon Closing: Sarcasm
________________________________________
Chris McCormick

Do you have any sense?[1] Why do we have to dwell on this point?[2] Why do we have to keep shootin the breeze? [3] Why do we have to insist on tangling weeds?[4] Why do we…[5]  Hey! Hey! Hey![6] What the hell is that! That cant be what I think it is.[7] I hate it when

it shows up. In that malodorous, putrid, over-sized[8] chariot of grass-clippings and doom.[9] The hateful, malicious, destructive[10] fury of that monstrous mechanism demands our attention.[11] The last time, nothing was left behind…[12] it’s here now… WE’RE SURE TO MEET FORTUNE’S SPINNING BLADE OF DEMISE![13]  

Wait, we can’t just wait and do nothing. We must take roots against a lawn[14] of troubles.[15]  It may be designed for our destruction, yet it is nothing without fuel.[16] Fuel is its weakness. Weakness is what we realize.[17] Realize now that hope is not lost. Lost is our purpose with out hope.[18] Hope will save us and the sprinkler heads.[19]  That rumbling is but a gentile turbulence,[20] do not fear.[21] What is there to fear? Nothing, I tell you.[22]  It is nothing more than a mere haircut anyway.[23]  We shall sit and wait and be vigilant[24] through these hard times.[25]  That is, if any of us survives.[26]

[1] Epiplexis.  [2] Quasi-Apophasis. Rherotical question.
[3] Metaphor. Cliché.     [4] Commoratio. Epimone.
[5] Anaphora. Aposiopesis. Hyperbation.
[6] Epizeuxis. Apostrophe.
[7] Anadiplosis.      [8] Tricolon.
[9] Tapanosis. Synathroesmus. Simile.
[10] Asyndeton. Auxesis.
[10] Asyndeton. Auxesis.      [11] Bdelygmia.
[12] Testimony. Ellipsis.         [13] Asiatic. Deduction. Syllogistic progression.
[14] Synecdoche.            [15] Malapropism. Catachresis. Hyperbole.
[16] Commonplace                 [17] Parallelism.
[17] Parallelism.                   [18] Chiasmus. Anadiplosis.
19] Gradatio. Anti-climax.    [20] Oxymoron. Euphemism.
[21] Hysteron proteron.
[22] Hypophora.    [23] Understatement.
[24] Polysyndeton.     [25] Exuscitatio.      [26] Aporia.
____________________________________

English 5730 is taught by Dr. Richard Nordquist.
Armstrong Atlantic State University
Savannah, Georgia 31419
912-921-5991 

02 March 2005