I hear with my ears the orchestra beginning, I must end.  (Pleonasm)
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Pamela Yoko Melton 

Rhetorical Situation:  An invitation being sent out to “Save the Date” for an upcoming wedding. 
FATE CAN’T WAIT…SAVE THE DATE! 

            1Melton and Akagi clans, Tri-Delts, SCDS Alums and Obies:  your favorite old maid got the Rock!  2On June 1, 2006, I have a date with Brown Mills Wunderschlong, IV and fate.  3Now, I don’t need to tell you that this will be the biggest day of my life, so all of my drunk, pothead, artist friends will sit in the BACK of the Cathedral (Simon, The Wedding Planner, will place gym mats there for soft falls). 4 All of my coke-snorting, alcoholic, professional friends will meet after the wedding in the kitchen so that we can get you started serving hors d’oeuvres – Idle hands are the devil’s playground!  5The Japanese faction will have to understand – I know I bought Vera Wang and not Hanae Mori for the dress, but she’s not REALLY Chinese – she’s REALLY a New Yorker!  6Any Third World Asian types who didn’t attend either a private prep school or private college and CANNOT speak English – Folks, this isn’t some Asian Buffet Lunchee for $5.95 production, okay? 

            7Now, about Brown (or, BMW, as I like to call him) – he’s 38 years old, 183 lbs, blue eyes, blonde hair, German decent and HELLO, like heir to the BMW fortune. 8He cannot wait to meet all of  you, my little Rainbow Coalition of friends and family : ) 9And  Brown has personally requested that you save, save, save not just the date, but also for the only gift we have registered for:  a modest 2.5 million dollar Beverly Hills Mansion. 

            See Ya’ll There!!!
Breakdown 

Title

“Fate”                                                                           Personification 

Sentence One

“Melton and Akagi clans…”                                          Apostrophe

“old maid”                                                                     antonomasia

“got the rock”                                                                synechdoche 

Sentence Two

“Have a date with (this man) and Fate”               Zeugma/Ellipsis 

Sentence Three

“…this will be the biggest day…”                                   Pleonasm

“(Simon…)”                                                                  Parentheses 

Sentences Three and Four

Drunk, pothead, artist friends…

Coke-snorting, alcoholic, professional friends    Parallelism, Tricolon, Stereotyping 

Sentence Four

“Idle Hands…”                                                  Maxim 

Sentence Five

“…bought Vera Wang and not Hanae Mori…” Ellipsis

“she’s not really Chinese…she’s really a NYer!”            Amplification, parallelism, isocolon 

Sentence Six

“Asian Buffet”                                                    Paranomasia?,Meiosis,Racism

“…okay?”                                                                     Epiplexis 

Sentence Seven

“…(or BMW, as I like to call him)                                 Parentheses

“…about Brown…”                                                      Auxesis, Effectio 

Sentence Eight

“He cannot wait to meet you.”                            Verbal Irony

“Rainbow Coalition”                                                      Malapropism 

Sentence Nine

“Save, save, Save…”                                                    Epizeuxis

“A modest 2.5 million”                                       Oxymoron 

Closing

“See Ya’ll there!”                                                          (Southern) Phatic Communion
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Kelley Sanders

Invective

               A criticism against the 2005 Inauguration Ball by: Kelley Sanders

Fellow Americans, friends and countrymen. Tri-colon

I don’t involve myself with politics a lot but. On January 20th 2005 all of America was invited to witness the historical celebration of the inaguration of our nations 55th president, George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.- anotomasia

Did you get an invitation?  Perhaps my invitation got lost in the mail.-epanalepsis , rhetorical question

Not having a formal invitation, I had to watch the celebration on TV. But the seven course meals, lavish balls and rock concerts were not the same coming from my television set sitting on the couch at home. –has a tri-colon

On January 20th 2005 a hefty 40 million dollars was spent on black tie balls, parades, and star powered events in celebration of President Bush being elected for the second time.   All paid for my private donors of course.-has tricolon

Perhaps you did not get a formal invitation because you did not donate enough money. 

I found it to be unusually lavish that forty million dollars was spent on a second term President but I also found myself even more upset at the fact that while they cheered, danced, and dined to expensive meals, all for a good cause I'm sure… that on that same date January 20, 2005 my boyfriend was deployed for the second time to Iraq for one year to fight a war we did not start. This infuriates me. Pathos,tricolon, exuscitatio

What is the better cause I ask myself? An elite privileged group of people who donate millions of dollars to a one-night celebration or a real American who makes their living fighting for the great cause and privilege that allows these elite few to have a date with luxury. Has hypophora, rhetorical question.

Oh I’m sure they raised their crystal glasses and toasted to our men and women in the Armed forces and for their safe return, yeah cheers. Whatever! Has hypocrisis

They don't loose sleep at night or cry over something as little as being denied to talk to the one you love. Has exusciatio

Forty Million dollars! Forty Million dollars spent when soldiers need better equipment, living quarters and when a third world country has been devastated by a devastating tsunami.- has anaphora, epizeuxis

The real Americans like us, people who know the value of a dollar, real people who have to worry about things that matter other than what designer dress to wear to the ball or what the menu is going to consist of. When they donated those millions of dollars to what I think should be a humble cause, were they worried about their love ones being deployed for a year? No!-has exuscitatio,hypophora, hyperbole

Or the other ways in which just a few of his or her dollars could make a difference in someone’s life that really needs it. Sure they say they care but how come we have starving children who don't get presents at Christmas but a white house with twelve Christmas trees? On a website dedicated to the 2005 inauguration ball it read;” Celebrating Americas freedom together”, Bull Shit! Yeah, for a generous donation. Has exuscitatio 

This is not a criticism towards the Commander and Chief but a criticism to the politics of money and priorities.-has antonomasia, apophasis

The Presidential inauguration is supposed to not only be a moment to look at our nations future but a chance to celebrate our nations Democratic principals and ideals that make America great. The true values that make -America terribly great could not afford to attend the celebration or were on their way to defend the great democratic principals that make America great.  

So I dedicate this to the people who could not find anything better to do with their money on January 20, 2005 then fund a parade or make it possible for Kid Rock to sing at the inguration ball. Think about that. –This passage has antiphasis, dehortatio

This entire passage is an epimone dwelling on the fact that forty million dollars was spent on the event. It uses the ethos to appeal to the common people it address, it uses logos in describing the other logical waysin which you   could spend the money, it also has a pathetical appeal when it talks about deployed soldiers and tsunami victims.
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English 5730 is taught by Dr. Richard Nordquist.
Armstrong Atlantic State University
Savannah, Georgia 31419
912-921-5991 

02 March 2005